SUFFERING FROM BANKRUPCY. AGAIN.

yes, it's a fact. i am poor. i am fucking poor. all i have left now is about two thousand dollars stashed in my purse. i was supposed to go to spain again for work, but i felt that it would break me. so here i am, in my mother's apartment in stockholm, typing on my packard bell and thinking about the future. THE FUTURE. i am moving back with my french man again soon, i love my family but for many reasons i cannot handle living here. we made up, the french man and i. we had a big fight, i was thrown out from the apartment in the suburb and moved back here. but he forgave my mistake and now it feels better than ever between the two of us. INTENSE.

cant sleep but i have to get a grip now, at least try to.

xoxo M

FAT?

This is OVERWEIGHT in the "model industry". Haha. Hah. God, I must say I do look rather obese in that photo. Not.

THE REASON TO MY LACKING SELF ESTEEM

is my surrounding. Today I was told I've gotten fat again. I am not going to let this pass me as it usually does. Not this time. Fuck, how come my life is never liveable?
My diet: just eat like once a day. Whatever I want. But I have to go to bed hungry, otherwise it wont work. Just coffee, coffee, coffee and meds.
Tired of this shit. 54 kilos - the weight from my PMS. In a week I'll be down on 52 at least.
I have to start painting again. Paint paint paint. I've lost myself again, need to find my way back.

ART

I was bored yesterday so here's the productive result of by boredom or boreness... how do you say it?

No jobs... No friends in town... No nothing. Only me and my extra pounds that I have to lose accordning to a person who helps me get money. What do you not do for money... So tomorrow my très not pleasante diet takes place. Plus that he's nagging me about my boobies... "You really should have them done, it will look so good, then you don't have to be so skinny, it will look good with some ass to it". Douche bag.

THE RAMBLER AT LA RAMBLA

Came home a couple of hours ago. I'm was so depressed I thought about going back to Barcelona again, but as I got home I felt a tad better. My situation is fucking hell and poop right now, but I know this is just making me stronger. I can do anything. I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Anyways... Work ins't working haha, so if anybody needs a cleaner or such please mail me. No, maybe not. I'm just having a bad moment right now. I'll make it.

BEACH 2009 HERE I COME

I just found out that you can take pictures with the webcam. This. Made. My. Evening.
Now I'm all packed and shit. This was a special day. Very special and I don't think I will ever forget it. A new time has begun, but Emme doesn't seem to understand this quite yet. Maybe soon. Maybe soon. Shit. I've graduated... I've graduated... ??? Quoi?

MY NEW FUR

I got a new fur today from my French man. He said he thought of me when he saw it, I am very greatful. I love furs. Just got home from the strip club photo shoot. I liked the photo but I do not think they want me to publish it. Well well... Tomorrow I'm going to Barcelona for some work, but honestly, mostly vacation. I am so stressed so stressed so stressed at the moment, I really shouldn't be since I've graduated school and my projects seem to be working more than just great. But I don't know, I am a restless soul. xoxo M

23 something

It's past eleven, I am tired. Just got home from France when I get some more jobs, I'm going to Barcelona on Saturday, i.e. in two days. Tomorrow I have family lunch with all my relatives an later on a photo shoot for a german strip club or something. (don't worry, it's very classy) haha.
Now I need to shower and prepare myself for all I have to do. Sorry, but I had no time to take pictures, maybe later.
xoxo

UPDATE

I am alive, I swear. I'll be back home in Stockholm tonight, am at the airport now. I'll tell you more as fast as I'm back. Got to hurry xoxo Emme